Masa morality

July 16, 2013
By

There’s this really boring cafeteria-like restaurant near my place of employment, always full of the boring businesspeople who work downtown. On one of the windows is written in neon pink marker: “Taco Wednesdays, 99ยข each.” This makes me angry. Not the price, which I suppose is quite reasonable, but the day. Who in their right mind designates Wednesday as their taco day? There is only one day for taco specials, and that day is, say it with me: TUESDAY. Taco Tuesday. Not Taco Saturday, Taco Monday, and sure as shit not Taco Wednesday. Sure, you can eat tacos any day of the week, but if you’re going to single out one day and devote it to the consumption of delicious tacos or the sale of delicious tacos at a reduced price, and that day is not Tuesday, you can go straight to hell. And I don’t just mean that as a figure of speech; it’s even in the Bible. That time Jesus fed the multitudes by multiplying the tacos and turning the water into margaritas? That was on Tuesday. Look it up. It was the first Taco Tuesday. Christ was setting an example for the rest of us. By offering taco specials on any other day, you’re basically spitting in the Lord’s face. You Taco Judases make me sick. Not that I actually believe in any of that Bible shit. I like tacos.

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