Be active in your community!

September 3, 2013
By

That’s a sweet paper hat.

Oh, thank you! It’s Dolce & Gabbana. See, there’s the logo, over… uh… there, behind my ear.

Nice.

It cost a LOT of money. This is 100 percent genuine Italian newspaper.

Nice.

Yeah. I’m pretty great.

I’m going to set your face on fire.

No, I wouldn’t enjoy that!

It’s okay, relax. These are matches I stole from Karl Lagerfeld’s bathroom.

Oh! I stand corrected. Proceed.

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Please print and complete the following form, then mail to your elected Congressional representative (if applicable) along with a sample of your feces.

1. My name is _________________________.

2. I wish my name were ________.

3. I was born because ________________________________.

4. My favorite episode of “Coach” is the one where Dauber __________________________________________________.

5. Someday I will kill God with a ______________________.

6. My nipples are often compared to ___________________.

10. I frequently wake up at 2:37 a.m. drenched in cold sweat and with the taste of _______________ in my mouth.

11. Fucking _______________________________________________________________________________________________.

18. I bought this shirt at Target, I was drunk, I didn’t notice it had this douchey dragon design on the back

19, Oh sorry, I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to talk about ___________________, YOUR MAJESTY.

36. If there were a Game Genie code to make the pain go away, it would be ________-________.

37. Please

39. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

40. I saw you standing out in the hallway last night. You were wearing that ugly blue satin suit, and you were chewing on a nasty old taquito. You didn’t see me because I was one with the ice machine. What were you thinking? You can’t keep doing this. And those boots… I just wish you’d _________________, is that seriously too much to ask?

41. Please

42. We’re all fucked

43. We’re all fucked

44. We’re all fucked

45. We’re all fucked

46. We’re all fucked

47. We’re all fucked

48. We’re all fucked

49. My favorite vegetable is

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